I was thinking this morning about friendships and how/why they are formed. I do not have many close friends. It was by choice when I was younger, but it has just seemed to evolve into that as I've gotten older. My best friend lives on the other side of the country. I have a few people I consider good friends here, but schedules seem to prevent us from connecting as much as I would like.
So I was thinking about what brings people together as friends. Male friendships are different than female friendships. Don't ask me why. They just are for far too many reasons to explain here. Something I do notice some times is that often friends are also emotional crutches. Have you ever noticed the slinder girl/woman that is always with a group of overweight girls/women? When I see that, I tend to feel sorry for the slinder woman because I see a picture of someone that is insecure in her appearance and is looking to standout.
I have a very ecclectic collection of friends (both close and not so close). I enjoy having a potpourrie because they each bring something different to the table. I abhor sameness in people or things. Maybe that is why I enjoy working as a traveling nurse so much. I like and embrace the changes.
Anyway, back to friendships.... I have tried to befriend people that have been resistant to that friendship. I often wonder why. Some times as I read people's postings on Facebook, I seem to see a common thread. People who are very into their religion tend to gravitate toward people of the same ilk. I wonder if they have any non-religious close friends that might bring some new thoughts or ideas to their lives or maybe give them food for thought. Most people do tend to gravitate toward sameness. Maybe they do not want to be close with someone who will challenge their way of thinking. I guess my thinking is if you are true to your beliefs and are comfortable with them, then why be afraid of someone who might challenge those beliefs? You might teach each other something.
As people get married and have children, they tend to shed their single friends over time and lean towards other married couples with children. Even in this multicultural world I still see people that will only have close friends of their same race or nationality. What a loss for them! They never think about what they could be missing in their lives by opening up to new people, races, cultures, and thought patterns.
Maybe people chose friends they feel will not judge them...won't care if they are overweight, not real smart, maybe too smart, too tall, too short, not attractive, too attractive, have some kind of health issue or handicap, or maybe a different race or culture.
I am very much into my health and healthy eating. I often wonder if some people are uncomfortable about being around me because they know they are unhealthy. I wasn't always this way (healthy). Yes, I played a lot of sports and was always thin, but that did not necessarily equate to being healthy. I had to suffer through my own health issues before I reached where I am today. When I see other people that I know would benefit from what I've learned, I often try to reach out so I can share knowledge and, hopefully, help them to make their health better. Friendships are supposed to be about sharing and helping each other be better people. Friendships should never be about becoming a crutch to support each other's insecurities.
I want to clarify "crutch" here. When you ask your friend if a dress or pants make you look big and they say, "No, girl, you look great!" when they are actually thinking, "Damn, what are you thinking?!" I'm talking about that girlfriend that comes to console you about whatever you need consoling about and brings you pastries or donuts or ice cream knowing how you feel about your weight. How about when you are in a dangerous relationship and your friend doesn't tell you the things you need to hear about getting out of the relationship because they are afraid of losing your friendship. How about the friend that knows you have a substance abuse problem, but still goes out drinking with you instead of steering you to other activities or telling you that you have a problem and offering help and support.
I've had friends in the past that were quick to tell me how bad they thought my significant other was and how they would see him out with other people....only they told me this after I was already out of the relationship. They never stepped up to tell me when I was still in the relationship. Needless to say, they are no longer my friends. True friends will tell you what you need to hear even when you don't want to hear it. They help you get back on your feet when you fall yet encourage you to stand on your own.
Examine your friendships. Are you surrounded by people who bring positive things to your life? Do you have people that just hang-on because they think they can get something from you? Do you have people in your life that will help you back on your feet, but also give you a kick in the ass when you need it? Do you have friends who suck all the air out of the room with all their drama?
Spring is here and, as always, it's time for some Spring cleaning. Maybe your friendships could use some Spring cleaning as well. Weed out those people that bring you down, suck all the life out of you, or only bring negativity to your life. Feed and nuture those friends that encourage you to grow and continue to be a better person.
No comments:
Post a Comment